Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
