Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
