you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
