If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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