My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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