he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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