I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
