I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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