I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
