she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
