I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
