you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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