what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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