around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
