Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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