You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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