I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Soap is not a condiment
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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