I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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