Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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