you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
