Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
