just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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