Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
