I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
