I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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