i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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