Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
