we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize