He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
