Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
