Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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