they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
