was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
