I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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