dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
