shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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