She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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