okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
