I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
