Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
