imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just want to make out with him forever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
