I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
