you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
