If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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