I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
