no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
