Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize