pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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