Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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