This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
