That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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