I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
