yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
