Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
