why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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