I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize