I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
