She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's rum buckets o'clock
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
