Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
