So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
a search helicopter?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
