How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
