we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
