After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
