Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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