May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
