The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
