the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
