Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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