sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
