Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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