This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
