I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
