fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
