I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
