I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
