I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
