Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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