Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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