Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize