We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
