Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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