Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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