I just cut my nipple shaving
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
