he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
