The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
