you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
