I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
