Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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