When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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