No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
