i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
