Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
