I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
