Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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