i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
