wrigley field is MILF paradise
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
