Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
