so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
