I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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