Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
