i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
