WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
