Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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