I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
