very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
