I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
