Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize